Blogging. like jogging but with a "bl" and no exercise. "
1. Refer to yourself as "quirky" or "awkward" multiple times a day while shrugging your shoulders. Oh man, they'll hate it.
Something like, "I'm 3/4 cup coffee, 1/4 cup quirk!!!" *shoulder shrug*
2. Ask people if they're still broken up with their ex. Of course they are. And it's gonna be a sore subject for about 6 months.
"Are you and your ex still broken up like you were last month?"
3. Tell people they look super tired and ask if they've been crying. Then escalate to combat wounds and things of that nature.
"Oh my goodness. Are you okay? You look like you've been crying or got punched in the face or something. Maybe you're just tired?"
4. Warn people of things that aren't a big deal at all. Be foreboding and haunting.
"No, no. You should definitely try that new Chinese takeout place. Just be careful, that's all!"
5. Never use the same laugh. Keep it funky and out of control. Then defend that laugh as your one and only.
"What?! I always snort and then cough up blood when I laugh!"
6. Call yourself a ridiculous name and then refer to yourself in third person exclusively.
"Welp, Diva needs a snack. Anyone want anything while Diva's up?"
7. Correct people incorrectly and often.
"Sriracha? I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's pronounced sure-crunch-kah."
8. Call all your female friends "girly twirlies" and all your guy friends "Steve-o." Who's Steve-o? I don't know. And he won't either.
"Hey girly twirly! Wasshappenin' Steve-o?!" *finger guns*
9. Be super passive aggressive about your friend's pets. Act like you're too good for the species as a whole.
"No, no. It's a... cute guinea pig. Just... different than what I was expecting I guess."
10. Come up with your own catchphrase and try to force it on people. Always remember to go in for the high five after.
(Pro Tip: Make sure the phrase isn't catchy!.)
"Soul Patrol!" -Taylor Hicks, America Idol Season 5