Blogging. like jogging but with a "bl" and no exercise. "
Ever find yourself thinking, "Erotica these days is so classless!" or "Gross! What is this dirty, dirty book?!"
What if I told you there's a way to write tasteful erotica in just a few easy steps?
There's a way to write tasteful eroctica in a few easy steps.
Step 1: Never refer to sex organs by their actual name. Use the word "privates" or "private parts" exclusively.
Step 2: Never touch or look at anyone's private parts, just assume they are there.
Ex: "I knew he had privates."
Step 3: Be incredibly descriptive about your partner's attire. (Pro Tip- Think about something your weird neighbor would wear. )
Ex: "A polyester/lycra blend shorts and Skechers--the Velcro kind."
Step 4: Create a simile using your partner and a standard household object.
Ex: "He was like a paperweight."
Step 5: Describe the household object you've chosen."
Ex: "Paperweights are stoic and lifeless."
Step 6: Pick a mythical creature for yourself and talk about the powers you possess.
Ex: "I'm a unicorn who casts spells."
Step 7: Combine your writing from each step and crank up the AC because your life is about to get steamy.
When you're finished with this step-by-step program, you'll have tasteful erotica that reads a little something like this:
I knew he had privates under his polyester/lyrca blend shorts.
He wore Skechers--the Velcro Kind.
He was a paperweight--stoic and lifeless
under the power of my unicorn spell.
Tasteful. To the point. And above all, erotic.
Repeat steps 1-6 until your ready to publish!
Best of luck!